So, this weekend, I got a chance to go check out a day-long seminar called "your one degree," and I really enjoyed it. It was a lot of data in 7 hours, and it's taken some time to decompress it all. I'm still not finished by any means either. But, I figured I should at least write some of it down, as writing is a great way for me to decompress it all.
One of the great take aways I was encouraged by was the whole concept of the seminar to begin with: finding YOUR one degree. The illustration works like this:
Picture your life/skills/experience/etc as a circle. He said you have greens that energize you,
yellows that you're good at, but don't thrive on, and reds that drain you. What he argued for,
was that you focus your time, attention, and energy on finding your degree, and cutting the
other 94 degrees out.
What?! Sounds crazy, right? I mean, you can't just CUT everything out!!
But, what if you could?
What if, instead of spreading yourself thin doing lots of different things, you focused in on your best skills, gifts, etc, and grew even better at them?
Now, there's a 60/40 rule in there as well, that you aim for your one degree in 60% of what you do. For example, I don't generally budget/plan $$ well. Never have. And you can hear my blood pressure kick up like a turbocharger on a car when it comes up. Just a slow annoying hiss. That said, not planning a budget or looking at money leaves me in a terrible place. It just has to happen. Some reds just have to happen (like changing a poop filled diaper). But, finding the skills you live for and focusing on those sounds great, right?
It's also hard. It means giving up on good things. Example: As a coffee snob, I would enjoy working the coffee bar at church. But, I'm committed to the band, and I am good at it (not saying that arrogantly, just saying, I'm capable of playing well). Music would be my one degree.
What I find so interesting in this is that it seems to be a thing that a lot of youth pastors have said (myself included) in the past. Our kids have tried to be experts at everything so they get big scholarships and have lots of options. And so they're too busy to "do something dumb like get someone pregnant." Which is a whole different issue I'll leave alone. Our culture has created people that jump in the wheel, run hard, and switch wheels multiple times, trying to be good at everything. If you think I'm lying, look at a high schooler's schedule. Fall sports, spring sports, clubs, homework, jobs, extra curriculars, church, family events, AP courses, playing an instrument, band, etc. I could go on, you get the idea. How many did you do? I had more than one.
And then now in my 30's, I finally have a guy who has encouraged me to say no to good things. Fortunately, I had to learn that already, but he pushed even more than I thought was necessary, and I think he's right. You learn, you adapt, and you swim in a sea of yellow tasks that you can do well so you get your job security, you score a raise, you keep the peace at home. And you miss out on greens that would energize you in tremendous ways. Extend that to the broad family, what does that do to my family? I enjoy life less, so I'm shorter, angrier, less satisfied. And if they're stuck in 100 yellows and 2 greens, they're in the same boat. What if I pursued more greens, and empowered my wife & kids to pursue greens?
Our family would look DRAMATICALLY different.
And so now comes the hard work of trimming off the fat. What am I good at that I don't need to make a priority anymore? My skill in my greens goes up, my love for those tasks goes up, my impact as a person goes up. Why? Because I get better at doing what I love, and because I am a happier person because I'm doing a task I love.
This is all meant as a broad thing, a life orienting so to speak. But it translates to work too. What if you did the same with your career? All things worth asking. All things worth leveraging your gifts, abilities, and time for. Worth throwing your heart into that conversation to watch it come alive.
Live deeper.
"People who blindly go through life too busy or indifferent to ask hard questions about why they believe like they do, will find themselves defenseless against the experience of tragedy or the probing questions of a smart skeptic."
-Tim Keller
Thoughts? Curious if you agree or disagree.
And go!
"People who blindly go through life too
"People who blindly go through life too busy or indifferent to ask hard questions about why they believe like they do, will find themselves defenseless against the experience of tragedy or the probing questions of a smart skeptic."
-Tim Keller
Thoughts? Curious if you agree or disagree.
And go!
Everyone does a little "end of year reflection" as the year closes, right? and of course, I would love to do this, as this year has been a doozy. This sort of felt like the year that the wheels fell off the car, and we flipped and crashed. Sort of like this.
For me professionally, it was definitely that year. I learned a lot of things this year, things that sort of kill the optimist in me in some ways, sadly. It's the problem with the kind of gig I was in, people feel passionately about where they worship, and sometimes their passions turn to agendas, which turn to toxic things that hurt lots of people (including themselves). The fortunate thing is that there is healing, even in crappy circumstances. And I did walk away with some good lessons on life through both my experiences and those of friends (new or just reminders):
* people are awesome. Having people who care about Jesus and about people are most always the greatest people to be around. and when you go through crap, they are a must have to make it through the day.
* people are jerks. It is easy to criticize things (of any type or organization), and very hard to do anything constructive. When people just want to pick things apart, they generally forget that people are involved, they just see ideas. And when that happens, the ugly side of humanity (the side that disowns humanness) rears it's head.
* leaders with little vision & integrity are dangerous to partner with, and not dangerous in a good way.
* politics & political systems + church = crap. because it becomes less about Jesus moving in the world, and more about kissing babies and making committees happy so you keep your job. I would go so far to say those aren't really churches so much as civic groups. Sort of like a non profit.
* toxic work environments don't just affect you. they affect your family too. as such, they aren't worth sticking around to be a martyr for the cause. value your family, get the crap out.
That last one was a hard pill to swallow for me this year too. It ended up being hard to pull my head out of my troubles to realize the damage that my value of my work had done to my family. I knew things were bad, but I hoped they would change, and had lots of "what if's" that never materialized to help solve the problem. And while I have hated losing that job with students I enjoyed, being gone from that job has been good for me in a lot of ways. And if they offered me my job back with twice the salary, I would tell them no. Unless I was on the brink of losing my house and my family couldn't afford to live, I would never go back.
My family suffered through the year a lot, though a lot of our struggle has been long term, which is mostly my fault. That was the other hard part of the year, the personal struggles and failures. In some ways, losing the things I did opened my eyes up to that more this year. Finding that I placed too much self worth in where I draw my paycheck from was maybe one of the greatest things that came out of the year. And as a guy who teaches finding worth in BEING rather than DOING, I had a lot of self confidence wrapped up in my job. Having that crumble away was actually quite healthy for me.
Learning to receive and trust for provision was also a great lesson this year. Frankly, without things being provided and given to us as they were this year, we probably would have collapsed, financially or otherwise. It is a strange paradox to struggle with not being angry with God about where your life has taken you while thanking him for sustaining your family in ways you don't understand. Weird to say "thanks for the help, but I am still pissed at you about all this..." It's good to know that God provides even when we aren't in the mood to just receive the help. God holds us together, even when things fall apart. And I know and trust that deep in my bones now that I have lived (am living) it.
This year was for sure the hardest and most miserable year I have ever had I think. Professionally and personally, it was stained with heartache, anger, mistakes, injustice, and stress. But in that I learned a lot about life, faith, and trust. And I was reminded the value of love, and of family. I was forced into lessons on humility, and learned that we are held together even when things seem like they are falling apart.
Like I said, it felt like this year has been one where the wheels flew off, and we crashed. The thing I am finding in life is that you have to decide for yourself that it is worth it to climb from the wreckage and get up and go again. You have to trust that getting out of the car is a good thing. So, for us, we are trying to climb out of the wreck, and start over.
There is life in the car.
The story is not over. There is more left to tell and to just give up would be a waste.
Things that helped hold me together were these:
lunch/coffee with friends (thanks to you all)
teaching from mars hill church.
> the village elder
> songs like this
Live deeper.
For me professionally, it was definitely that year. I learned a lot of things this year, things that sort of kill the optimist in me in some ways, sadly. It's the problem with the kind of gig I was in, people feel passionately about where they worship, and sometimes their passions turn to agendas, which turn to toxic things that hurt lots of people (including themselves). The fortunate thing is that there is healing, even in crappy circumstances. And I did walk away with some good lessons on life through both my experiences and those of friends (new or just reminders):
* people are awesome. Having people who care about Jesus and about people are most always the greatest people to be around. and when you go through crap, they are a must have to make it through the day.
* people are jerks. It is easy to criticize things (of any type or organization), and very hard to do anything constructive. When people just want to pick things apart, they generally forget that people are involved, they just see ideas. And when that happens, the ugly side of humanity (the side that disowns humanness) rears it's head.
* leaders with little vision & integrity are dangerous to partner with, and not dangerous in a good way.
* politics & political systems + church = crap. because it becomes less about Jesus moving in the world, and more about kissing babies and making committees happy so you keep your job. I would go so far to say those aren't really churches so much as civic groups. Sort of like a non profit.
* toxic work environments don't just affect you. they affect your family too. as such, they aren't worth sticking around to be a martyr for the cause. value your family, get the crap out.
That last one was a hard pill to swallow for me this year too. It ended up being hard to pull my head out of my troubles to realize the damage that my value of my work had done to my family. I knew things were bad, but I hoped they would change, and had lots of "what if's" that never materialized to help solve the problem. And while I have hated losing that job with students I enjoyed, being gone from that job has been good for me in a lot of ways. And if they offered me my job back with twice the salary, I would tell them no. Unless I was on the brink of losing my house and my family couldn't afford to live, I would never go back.
My family suffered through the year a lot, though a lot of our struggle has been long term, which is mostly my fault. That was the other hard part of the year, the personal struggles and failures. In some ways, losing the things I did opened my eyes up to that more this year. Finding that I placed too much self worth in where I draw my paycheck from was maybe one of the greatest things that came out of the year. And as a guy who teaches finding worth in BEING rather than DOING, I had a lot of self confidence wrapped up in my job. Having that crumble away was actually quite healthy for me.
Learning to receive and trust for provision was also a great lesson this year. Frankly, without things being provided and given to us as they were this year, we probably would have collapsed, financially or otherwise. It is a strange paradox to struggle with not being angry with God about where your life has taken you while thanking him for sustaining your family in ways you don't understand. Weird to say "thanks for the help, but I am still pissed at you about all this..." It's good to know that God provides even when we aren't in the mood to just receive the help. God holds us together, even when things fall apart. And I know and trust that deep in my bones now that I have lived (am living) it.
This year was for sure the hardest and most miserable year I have ever had I think. Professionally and personally, it was stained with heartache, anger, mistakes, injustice, and stress. But in that I learned a lot about life, faith, and trust. And I was reminded the value of love, and of family. I was forced into lessons on humility, and learned that we are held together even when things seem like they are falling apart.
Like I said, it felt like this year has been one where the wheels flew off, and we crashed. The thing I am finding in life is that you have to decide for yourself that it is worth it to climb from the wreckage and get up and go again. You have to trust that getting out of the car is a good thing. So, for us, we are trying to climb out of the wreck, and start over.
There is life in the car.
The story is not over. There is more left to tell and to just give up would be a waste.
Things that helped hold me together were these:
lunch/coffee with friends (thanks to you all)
teaching from mars hill church.
> the village elder
> songs like this
Live deeper.
So, a while back (and sadly only 2 posts ago...) I started a process about how to find a church. Regardless of WHY you are trying to find a church, you need to connect the dots on the HOW, and find that place, and plug in.
There are important factors to consider in what your church is about, and what that means to you. This is the other part of the conversation that makes the difference. Now, before I get into this, I need to say that a person's commitment to a church is a deeply personal thing, and that as believers, we all need to respect this about each other. Here's what I mean. Take my family for instance. My cousin (who is 2 weeks younger than I am and so I feel it a fair comparison that we are in similar age/stage of life), has been a part of the same church since before he was even a blip on the radar. He has never left. He feels a very deep tie to the place he has grown up. This is great, and I love that about him. He has "survived" a building relocation, ditching the choir robes, reinstatement of the robes, changing the color of the choir robes, an added monthly contemporary service, doubling the size of the campus, mission trips, staff changes, hardships and strains between people at church, COMMITTEES, and much more. I love that he is that committed to a (one) church. That said, this story is not true for all of us. Some of us have been burned, or just don't have luck with places, and as such, we tend to carry a bit of mistrust. Neither is more right than the other, it just simply is, as near as I can tell.
So, here are some more thoughts about finding the right place:
1. heart is key: What I mean is this, that you need a level of similar heartbeat with a place that you want to go. For example, if art is important to you, find a church with an arts community. If ministry to a particular group of people matters to you, find a place that targets those people. (i.e. don't find a church with a dog blessing ministry if you want to network with the homeless community in your city. you will find yourself in a constant state of frustration)
2. don't just find a church of yes men/women: Be willing to spend time with people outside your age/stage of life. They have good questions, good wisdom, and them disagreeing with you may turn out to be a really great thing. Either because their angle has great insight, or because their questions will provoke you to have a concrete answer about why you feel the way you feel. Either way, it's a win.
3. don't let "style" be THE issue: YES, we have preferences of how we like worship to look, and YES we tend to gravitate to those places, but don't let that be the defining issue of where you go. If we all just picked church based on the style of the place (be it music, facilities, how hipster the pastor is) we would never go, or there would be 3 churches in the world. (the old traditional one, the cool hip rock show, and the one for all the weirdos that don't fit either of the other 2) Sure, how a church worships can be helpful in finding a place, (if you connect with God in certain ways, a church that helps engage those is good) but it shouldn't be the only thing you look for.
4. know what the Church is meant to be, and find THAT: Look at the end of Acts 2, where they talk about the traits of a church. Remember that the Church is meant to be the bride of Jesus, and we are His sons and daughters. And to find a place that knows those things and embraces those things is important. If the place doesn't feel like what the Church is meant to be, ask why. Look for answers. Ask staff or people in the church you are visiting about it. If the answers leave you doubting, that may not be the place to land. Move on, and keep hunting.
5. consider WHERE you are in life, WHERE you want to be, and HOW your church ties into it: If you are, say, like myself, (an almost 30 year old with 2[ish] kids and a wife), find a place that values young families. Please note that I didn't say find a church of only young families. We need older generations to pass on wisdom we can't find anywhere else. We need those people in our church. BUT, if the church you visit doesn't seem to place any emphasis on that group (i.e. all classes/small groups/etc are targeting 60+ with nothing for young people) they are (intentionally or not) avoiding you and your age/stage. Probably not your place to land, though it could be. It just may be more of a fight.
6. avoid the numbers game: Large numbers of people doesn't equal a healthy place. Conversely, a small church doesn't equal an alive place where everyone knows/loves everyone. It just means the cliques are smaller. If you grew up in a small church, you may find you love a big place. If you grew up in megachurches, you may find you like a small community. The numbers simply don't matter. I've found places as small as 10 that I loved, 800, or 2000. All great places. When it comes to church, size doesn't matter.
Again, this isn't some sort of exhaustive, end all list, but it is some food for thought. Feel free to add to the conversation. Would love some feedback.
There are important factors to consider in what your church is about, and what that means to you. This is the other part of the conversation that makes the difference. Now, before I get into this, I need to say that a person's commitment to a church is a deeply personal thing, and that as believers, we all need to respect this about each other. Here's what I mean. Take my family for instance. My cousin (who is 2 weeks younger than I am and so I feel it a fair comparison that we are in similar age/stage of life), has been a part of the same church since before he was even a blip on the radar. He has never left. He feels a very deep tie to the place he has grown up. This is great, and I love that about him. He has "survived" a building relocation, ditching the choir robes, reinstatement of the robes, changing the color of the choir robes, an added monthly contemporary service, doubling the size of the campus, mission trips, staff changes, hardships and strains between people at church, COMMITTEES, and much more. I love that he is that committed to a (one) church. That said, this story is not true for all of us. Some of us have been burned, or just don't have luck with places, and as such, we tend to carry a bit of mistrust. Neither is more right than the other, it just simply is, as near as I can tell.
So, here are some more thoughts about finding the right place:
1. heart is key: What I mean is this, that you need a level of similar heartbeat with a place that you want to go. For example, if art is important to you, find a church with an arts community. If ministry to a particular group of people matters to you, find a place that targets those people. (i.e. don't find a church with a dog blessing ministry if you want to network with the homeless community in your city. you will find yourself in a constant state of frustration)
2. don't just find a church of yes men/women: Be willing to spend time with people outside your age/stage of life. They have good questions, good wisdom, and them disagreeing with you may turn out to be a really great thing. Either because their angle has great insight, or because their questions will provoke you to have a concrete answer about why you feel the way you feel. Either way, it's a win.
3. don't let "style" be THE issue: YES, we have preferences of how we like worship to look, and YES we tend to gravitate to those places, but don't let that be the defining issue of where you go. If we all just picked church based on the style of the place (be it music, facilities, how hipster the pastor is) we would never go, or there would be 3 churches in the world. (the old traditional one, the cool hip rock show, and the one for all the weirdos that don't fit either of the other 2) Sure, how a church worships can be helpful in finding a place, (if you connect with God in certain ways, a church that helps engage those is good) but it shouldn't be the only thing you look for.
4. know what the Church is meant to be, and find THAT: Look at the end of Acts 2, where they talk about the traits of a church. Remember that the Church is meant to be the bride of Jesus, and we are His sons and daughters. And to find a place that knows those things and embraces those things is important. If the place doesn't feel like what the Church is meant to be, ask why. Look for answers. Ask staff or people in the church you are visiting about it. If the answers leave you doubting, that may not be the place to land. Move on, and keep hunting.
5. consider WHERE you are in life, WHERE you want to be, and HOW your church ties into it: If you are, say, like myself, (an almost 30 year old with 2[ish] kids and a wife), find a place that values young families. Please note that I didn't say find a church of only young families. We need older generations to pass on wisdom we can't find anywhere else. We need those people in our church. BUT, if the church you visit doesn't seem to place any emphasis on that group (i.e. all classes/small groups/etc are targeting 60+ with nothing for young people) they are (intentionally or not) avoiding you and your age/stage. Probably not your place to land, though it could be. It just may be more of a fight.
6. avoid the numbers game: Large numbers of people doesn't equal a healthy place. Conversely, a small church doesn't equal an alive place where everyone knows/loves everyone. It just means the cliques are smaller. If you grew up in a small church, you may find you love a big place. If you grew up in megachurches, you may find you like a small community. The numbers simply don't matter. I've found places as small as 10 that I loved, 800, or 2000. All great places. When it comes to church, size doesn't matter.
Again, this isn't some sort of exhaustive, end all list, but it is some food for thought. Feel free to add to the conversation. Would love some feedback.
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