no time... but here's one for you.

so life is crazy. signed papers on a house about 2 weeks ago (i think?) and we close tomorrow. been a super fast deal, but it's good.

anyways, this one is for all you who might call yourself "churchy." maybe even for those of you who'd call yourself "in ministry as a job." 

thoughts? 

some inspiration for the day

Hey all. So it got cold, eh?

I've been a bit out of the loop as of late in the blogosphere, it's been busy. Getting used to fighting colds and passing it to two people instead of one in my house now. But, Luke is a trooper, so he's doing pretty good with the whole fight a cold thing. Anyways, I remember a while back I'd talked about the need to recommend a song, and I mentioned it to a friend the other day. I think it's lyrically one of the most amazing songs I've ever heard. You can read 'em in a minute, I'll get there. And while I think that there is so much wonderful about this song, and I could go on and on about how great it is, I understand the value of subjectivity in viewing art. So, here's them playing live somewhere, check it out, and check out their website (www.sleepingatlast.com). 

I can't even explain how amazing this song is and how it encourages me. This thing is deep.

As promised, here are those lyrics.

When the world welcomes us in,
We’re closer to Heaven than we’ll ever know.
They say this place has changed,
But strip away all of the technology
And you will see
That we all are hunters,
Hunting for something that will make us okay.

Here we lay alone in hospital beds,
Tracing life in our heads;
But all that is left
Is that this was our entrance and now it’s our exit,
As we find our way home.

All the blood and all the sweat
That we invested to be loved
Follows us into our end,
Where we begin to understand

That we are made of love,
And all the beauty stemming from it.
We are made of love,
And every fracture caused by the lack of it.

“You were a million years of work,”
Said God and His angels, with needle and thread.
They kissed your head and said,
“You’re a good kid and you make us proud.
So just give your best and the rest will come,
And we’ll see you soon.”

All the blood and all the sweat
That we invested to be loved
Follows us into our end,
Where we begin to understand

That maybe Hollywood was right:
When the credits have rolled and the tears have dried,
The answers that we have been dying to find
Are all pieced together and, somehow, 
Made perfectly mine.

We are made of love,
And all the beauty stemming from it.
We are made of love,
And every fracture caused by the lack of love

Live deeper.

relevant magazine! BANE OF MY SICK DAY!

So I feel miserable today. I checked the news though, and I found this on Relevant Magazine's website. Thought I'd share it, because if I get to be miserable, so do you.

the buttons have been pushed...

so, I can't begin to tell you how excited I am that the election time is over. normal commercials have resumed, and people seem to hate each other a lot less than they did. it's ridiculous how polarizing politics is. I don't even know a good reason for it to make people so angry all the time. it's just silly.

I had a conversation (on facebook) with a friend the other day about all of the political happenings, and they had made a joke about moving somewhere because Obama was going to be the president. She said she was adamantly opposed to him because he's pro-choice, and pretty socialistic in nature, and the rumor's that he's the anti-Christ seemed to worry her as well. 

I guess you could say it lit a fire for me, and this was right after the election. I was fried and totally not interested at all. And then I got interested really quick. I told her that to seriously consider moving away because the election didn't go the way she wanted was unAmerican & unChristian. And I hold by that statement.

Here's why it's unAmerican: if you leave when the vote doesn't go your way, then you don't believe in democracy. The reality of democracy is this: sometimes the vote doesn't go the way you want it to. Sometimes it does. But you can't talk about packing up and leaving when the vote doesn't go your way. That's not democracy, that's consumerism in politics. It's a pick & choose & have it your way method of looking at it all. If Obama runs the whole thing into the ground, I'll gladly accept responsibility for my vote and apologize. But on the other hand, if McCain had won, I wouldn't be packing up and heading for Canada. I'd do that just because Canada is beautiful. : )  But that isn't an American thing to do. Quite the contrary. Like I blogged the story about how not voting could be considered an act of violence, I'd say that running when you don't like the turnout is anything but patriotic. It's quite anti-patriotic. Think about it, what if every leader in the U.S. moved out of country when things didn't go how they wanted? We'd have a country of about 500,000 people. That just doesn't work. (SIDE NOTE: the really sad thing is that this is how people in churches act. When things aren't the way their agenda looks, they go elsewhere to the other church down the street. It's no wonder churches struggle. People have zero commitment to the Church. I don't mean their denomination, we have WAY too much of that. I mean that when things aren't the way they want them, rather than step up and lead, they leave and go elsewhere, and then continue the cycle when that church "fails" them too.)

Here's where it gets fun, why I think that whole attitude is unChristian: it's an issue of your faith, and your concept of God. I feel deeply, deeply sorry for someone who thinks that one man from Chicago could single-handedly destroy Christianity just because he got elected to office. See, in my mind, my concept of God is HUGE. I believe in a God that makes stars and planets and galaxies. He breathes out the words and water covers the earth. With just a thought, life exists. Birds, insects, fish, people. So how could one of God's creations kill him just by assuming a political post? It seems to me, to be a very shallow worldview, and if my perception of God was that small, I don't know that I'd believe in Him. I mean, if one man can shut him down, is he really the all-powerful God that everyone claims to follow?

The question was raised about whether or not Obama is the anti-Christ, and I can't get behind that at all. And if you're really interested in this whole thing, I'd recommend my friend Jimmy's blog. In case you skipped this blog, here's the cliff notes: people who buy into the "one anti-christ to ruin it all" idea tend to read too many "left behind" books, and probably haven't read what the Bible actually says about the anti-Christ. I think a lot of damage was done by the left behind books, and so we need to re-examine that whole thing. It's not what you think it is. 

Ultimately, I think the thing you have to know who you are. And you have to know who's you are. For me, I'm a part of God's Kingdom before I'm ever an American. Do I love America? Sure. Do we do everything right? No. Where's my loyalty lie? God's kingdom, then America. See, it's all about identity. And knowing that regardless of what/where/etc things happen, God is bigger than all of it, so it sort of isn't as important as we make it. 

Thoughts?

Live deeper.

the election is almost over

well, the worst of it is almost over. and I have to say I'm relieved. I'm just tired of all the commercials, all the bashing of each other, and all the stupid negativity. there's a reason I say I'm a cynic in my "political affiliation" on facebook, and it can be summed up in one word: "nobama." 

now I get that everyone's entitled to their opinion, and everyone can vote for whoever they want to vote for. I get it. That's the way it's SUPPOSED to work. But why is it okay with everyone that we bash the crap out of each other? Take a local example, there's this guy named Andrew Rice running for office, and he's running against a guy who's been in office like 20 years. His argument is that Mr. 20 year office has been there too long and has lost his way in the politics of it all. Not the nicest thing to say, but, it could be a legit concern. 20 minutes in politics can ruin someone, so 20 years might be too much. But then all these attack adds are launched against Rice, talking about what a horrible person he is. He spent a good chunk of time on the mission field, he can't be all that bad. And it seems odd to me that a Republican would bad-mouth a missionary too. 

the other reason I'm glad it's over is that everyone seems to feel the need to publish their vote on facebook. Again, not a huge deal, but some people feel the need to be very legalistic about the whole thing. In not so many words they basically tell me that "we can't have THAT kind of person in office, so vote for MY candidate!" 

that REALLY offends me.

If I wasn't sure who to vote for, I'd consult a close friend, call my dad or mom maybe, but I wouldn't just throw it out there and say "what's everyone on facebook saying?" that's the worst idea I've ever heard. It reminds me of an argument I heard last election, that if you aren't going to educate yourself on the election then to not participate in it. Now I know I blogged that whole "non-voting as an act of violence" thing, but there's some truth here too. Waving a pen and just "shooting in the dark" as it were is also not a good idea, and could be maybe not an act of violence, but for sure a stupid mistake waiting to happen.

And I hope that everyone realizes that WE ARE STILL RESPONSIBLE FOR THE THINGS THAT HAPPEN IN AMERICA!!!! People get so defensive about their respective candidate, but here's the reality: whoever becomes the next president, things aren't going to change that much. they just aren't. regardless of who takes over, there will be public opinion and politicians who whine and complain, etc, etc, ETC!!!!! and things won't get accomplished. The real question is which person do you want to cast the vision to the U.S. and the world? Because the Republicans and Democrats work for each other, and they'll fight each other all the way, all the time. Things won't get done. And we can't assume a change in the person sitting in the oval office is going to revolutionize anything. It's still up to us. We still HAVE to be involved in the process. 

My cynical prediction is that the people will step back and disengage after the election, and expect all their problems to get solved. And then when it doesn't work, they'll wonder why. Our consumeristic nature will even ruin the next presidency. We'll ask for the loser to take over for the winner once things hit a snag, because we don't stick it out in tough times, we look for the quick fix. We get the medicine that works fastest, or we scrap the idea and get the new one. It's like iPods. It's easier to toss an iPod and replace it than to fix it. And I think that's what we'll do. We'll continue to spend more than we can afford, and people will wonder why things haven't changed.

WE HAVE TO BE THE CHANGE. WE HAVE TO BE THE CONSISTENCY. WE HAVE TO BE THE LEVEL HEADED ONES. We can't just push that off on a politician and run off and be stupid and expect things to turn out good.

Jesus, save us from ourselves and our ignorance.

vote time

so i know election time is here, it's been driving most of us nuts. and we're all burned out on it and ready to be done with it. true story. but, here are some things to think about. and these aren't mine so i take no credit for any genius there is in them. the first is this, a blog about why NOT VOTING is an act of violence. regardless of whether or not you agree, i think it is some very worthy brain food, and something to make you think whether or not you think things are or aren't worth being a part of. 

here's the link.

and i will tell you to go vote for whoever you want to vote for, but this blog is a lot of why/how i feel about my vote, so disagree & hate me if you want to, that's cool. but this resonates with me a LOT, to the degree that i'm going to bum it from my friend josh and say it's more well explained than i could try to explain the whole thing myself. so, here's some interesting brain food on why a vote for this guy is okay.

oh, and starbucks is giving away coffee if you go vote. so go do that for the coffee if nothing else.

and finally, i leave you with one last piece of fun: (if you can't see it, here's the link)

what a bailout SHOULD look like

Good old AIG took their help from the government and went and did this with it...

But, then there's stuff like this:

my own Jesus Junk...

So, here's a couple things for you all who actually read this. (I think there's 2 of you if I'm lucky)

My buddy Marko does this thing called the "Jesus Junk of the Month" (great/most recent example here) and I think it's pretty funny stuff. Well, I got this "awesome" product email from a company that will remain anonymous since I'm bad mouthing them, but I'm sure you can google them if you're really that curious about it. Basically this is the "christian marketing machine's" version of a barbie or bratz doll I think. And I like that it's "new for christmas." 

So maybe this is more of a rant than I thought, but I have a lot of trouble reconciling that this kind of thing is what the world needs. I don't think that reducing the amazing work of Jesus to a t-shirt - or a t-shirt on a doll which is even worse - is what we should be doing with the story of Jesus. It seems very belittling of us to do so. Honestly, deep inside me it feels like we're being sold crap in the name of Jesus. It REALLY offends me. I actually emailed them back and said "thanks for selling trite crap in the name of the Savior!" It REALLY, REALLY offends me deeply.

I don't know why the "Christian subculture" feels a need to do this stuff. (Don't even get me started on why that subculture even exists. I'll get mad) But I think this kind of stuff is DIRECTLY correlated to why Christianity has lost it's impact. It's why people don't believe us anymore, or believe IN Jesus anymore. It's like everything we offer is a gimmick. And Jesus is ANYTHING but a gimmick. I wish someone would've stopped this machine before it ever got started.

See I think we need to learn to see Jesus in other places. Take this guy's video of Boston for example. If we could learn to see Jesus through people and places and not in tacky dolls & shirts, our lives would be infinitely deeper. Watch this video (if you're on facebook and it isn't here, read the original post please!) and look for glimpses of truth. Glimpses of love or hope or beauty. Jesus is "hiding in plain sight" in these moments. Not in crappy, overpriced dolls.

Boston. Through my eyes. from Nick Keating on Vimeo.

Live deeper.

a little something for inspiration

I found this today, thinking about using it for fall retreat somehow, (even though it's flash and I"m not sure how to download it). I really like the visual though. Thought I'd pass along. The guy who shot this stuff is actually full of all sorts of amazing stuff.

brushfire from Charlie McCarthy on Vimeo.

in a much lighter note

So, now that I've gone and made you think, allow me to undo what I just did. You HAVE to check this out: kung-fu election

where has jesus gone?

so, in my daily web searching, i generally check a few "regulars." One is a site I recently referenced in a blog called ASBO Jesus. If you don't know what ASBO means, here's Jon's descrpition:

btw. for the non british among you… an ‘asbo’ is an ‘anti-social behaviour order’… the courts here 

award them to people who are deemed to be constant trouble in their neighbourhoods… 

presumably according to their neighbours!

So, long story short, I think it's some REALLY great stuff. This one really caught my attention though, the one at the top. And its got me wondering, where has Jesus gone? Let me go ahead and make sure you know I don't think Jesus moved out of the neighborhood or anything like that, just that I don't know where we see Him anymore. I wonder if this response in the cartoon is too real, and we meet Jesus and don't even know it. If we meet a poor or homeless guy and he says life is so hard, and we tell him he needs Jesus. What does that mean anyways? "Believe in Jesus and you'll have all the money and love and stuff you'll ever need!" Is that really the offer? Because I think I could believe in the lottery and pull the same thing off.  

This cartoon inspires me really. In the line of work I'm in, we don't exactly roll in the cash. Not without going to a seminary and becoming a "professional" at least. And I don't live in poverty at all, but I don't live in a house I own either, or a fancy, dressed up neighborhood either. And I kind of like that. I don't mean that in a snobby way, I just like that I don't live in a place where everything is so clean and wrapped up in a bow. I think life is messy, and to try and live otherwise is like trying to stop a wave in the ocean. Very Stepford, if you will. But there are days that I would love to leave it all and go make a crap ton of money, drive a nice new car (this or this would be fun for around $50K-$124K) and work in a trendy glass covered office and go home to some cool place in OkC. But then I see something like this in my own life, and I realize that this isn't how I'm going to live. And I'm really pretty okay with that. 

So for me, I hope and long more to be made into the image of Jesus. And that the things that would make him weep for a thousand years are the things that make me weep too. And I feel like in all of this, that by trying to be in that place, that I'm close to God. And that He is close to me too, that He lets me be close and be a part of the things on His heart. And THAT is the thing that I want more than anything. I don't feel like I'm always close to God like I want, and honestly, my heart is really broken because I feel like God wants closeness but I can't find where He's hiding out. 

In my search though, the thing I find true is the need for simplicity. For things to not be so complex, mostly because things are naturally messy. I don't need more things to do, more places to go. All I need to is to know who I am, Who's I am, and to be that person. For me, that means loving Jesus, loving my wife and my son, my friends, and having deep friendships with everyone in that list. And to be on mission to see where God is at work, and to do that work. I've found a place in town, and a place or two overseas. I just want to see more of this though. That is where my heart is. Looking for God's.

live deeper.

random tuesday...

I feel like I've been off the radar too long. There's a lot stirring in the waters, but I don't think I'm really up for talking much. So, I leave you with this to ponder in the mean time:

Oh, and let's make this a poll, good idea or complete stupidity? Seems like you should know where wind originates, and it's not underwater.

seems true

thanks to asbojesus for the great work. these both feel appropriate right now. 

i'm curious what your thoughts about either are. mostly the church one though. 

thoughts?

the end?

saw this on the news today, guess we're all doomed?

sorry i've been off the radar in the blogosphere, but hey, I just had a baby 7 weeks ago, what'd you expect? : )   They aren't kidding when they say having a baby changes everything. 

So, funny story from starbucks the other day. This lady came in, and wanted "that coffee/slushy thing." Generally we get that once every couple weeks or so, and we know they mean a frappucino. So we explain that to her, and she says it can't have sugar in it, which it does. So, we recommend the "creme based" frappucino, as that is dairy based and has splenda in it. She quickly fires back "I can't have splenda." So, after discovering she doesn't want sugar, and can't have splenda, we talk her into an iced coffee with cream. No big deal right? Well, right before she pulls out of the order window she yells back at us, "yeah, I can't have splenda, it gives me... diarrhea! WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" and then pulls off to the window to pay. Then she asks me when she gets there if that was too much info. Trying to be nice I say, "well, we didn't exactly see that coming," and try to affirm that I've heard weirder things. I said she'd fit right in on the barista line jokingly, to which she says, "great! i'll bring you more stories next time." Then as I hand her drink to here she says, "yeah, nothing's worse than being out shopping with your friends and not knowing you've had something with splenda in it until it hits you all of a sudden." To which I think to myself, THIS moment might easily be worse than that moment.

Sorry,you get to share in the misery/awkwardness. 

Hope we live past Wednesday!

baby pics!

Photobucket Album

update to yesterday's post...

so, update to yesterday's post. apparently they've changed the ar-15 they were giving away to a shotgun. I suppose that makes more sense, since you can "encourage" someone so much easier with a weapon that will for sure murder them at point-blank when you ask them if they want to accept Jesus. 

oh, and I skimmed through the 30 minutes of the highlight video from last year, and apparently I was pretty spot on about the "soul-winning blitz." don't even get me started about how sad it is that they are only concerned about the "number of souls you win." 

it's SOOOOOOO like Jesus camp too. The video is terrifying.

In a completely unrelated string of thought, someone told me today that I look like Luke Wilson from "The Royal Tenenbaum's." when I wear a headband, which I've been doing at work because we have a new drink at work.

weird eh? I don't see it.

oh it makes my head hurt...

Wow. So I had zero intention of blogging today at all. It's been a bit of a frustrating weekend (you don't want to know), and I'm really tired. I had my full week at church (40+), and I managed to rock like 30+ hours at starbucks at the same time. Side note: if you ever go work for starbucks, try to not open one morning (thursday), close that night, open the next morning (friday), open again (saturday), and close at a totally different store that night. I tried that last week. Stupid, but it is going to get me cheap insurance, so it'll be worth the stress in a month or so. And I won't have to do that again I don't think, so that'll help.

Anycrap, all my sleepy-crabby-annoyed self aside, I just have to tell you how embarrassed I am about living in Oklahoma when crap like this pops up on national news websites. It's on other sites too, like yahoo, cnn, etc. If you'd like to see their website, here it is. It doesn't even look like a youth website. This creeps me out a lot too. It feels very Jesus-camp-ish.

What's really funny about the whole thing is the website. You should look at it. All I have to say is, if you invite me to something with "red HOT preaching, multiple games, skits, activities, and MUCH more" I'm probably going to try and not snicker while you invite me. And what exactly happens during a "Soulwinning Blitz?" I'm guessing you go around and blanket the neighborhood in teenagers who ask people if they were going to die tonight, do they know where they're going? Followed by a really "great" tract on how to believe in Jesus. Team with the most converts wins extra chances at the AR-15. That's right, they're giving away an AR-15. I don't know, maybe they offer to show them where they're going via the AR-15.

Here's where I get lost though, the big drama from these guys is their AR-15 giveaway. They advertise on their website more than once about the "AR-15 giveaway," and then they say this:

 "Although the shooting competition that was to take place during the Youth Conference had been canceled, due to false statements^* made by the Oklahoma City TV Channel 5 (KOCO) and subsequently reported also by media outlets across the country, an AR-15 was donated last Saturday so that the competition could go on as planned. 

If Congress, back when our country was fighting for its independence could give engraved muskets to the fifteen or so eleven year old boys that their teacher, Mr. Akins, led into battle against the British, then we can give away a firearm still today, especially since our Supreme Court just re-emphasized our Second Amendment rights."

Like I said, it makes my head hurt. And it kinda makes me ashamed of Oklahoma. Fortunately, they aren't the majority, otherwise I would probably look at a non-neighboring state as my new place to live. 

Who exactly donates an $800 assault rifle to a church anyways? Don't even get me started on the implications of this stuff. That's like it's own blog post itself, but one I won't write, because it would be a stupid long rant of stuff you probably know already. Things like "Jesus seemed to prefer non-violence" and "I didn't know the Bible and the Constitution were interchangeable in church settings." 

If you are looking at the website, check out "Crunch Revival" boy there. He's scary, but not in a chuck norris kind of way. That's for sure.

I'm sorry WHBC, I think I'll have to skip your youth conference. You can keep your little "Soulwinning Blitz" and I'm going to keep my $45. 

Guess I should look into a flak jacket soon too. Who knows when one of these kids may stop by to catch me during the blitz? Hope it isn't last year's winner, packing his AR-15. 

monday is a weird day

Okay, first off, let me just bust all over the "great state" of texas. Texans think they are absolutely amazing and all, but no more! Between my buddy Wes' stories of SAD, which for those of you who don't know means SA-Dallas. (i'll leave the first 2 to your imagination, think traffic and all things miserable) The today show has undone anything good that Texas had going for it in about 4 minutes. Oklahoma's got weird places and crap and all, but nothing as bad as the museum Plano is boasting. Ugh. 

Now an odd local story. I have this guy who rides a bike near my house, and one of these days I'm going to take a picture of him because you all need to see him. He's just weird. 

He rides a bicycle (nothing fancy, probably the wal-mart special), with a motorcycle helmet. Think the one where the whole front is a piece of plastic. Almost like those face shields the morgue guy on CSI wears, but tinted black so you can't see his face. next, throw in blue jeans, a long sleeve shirt with a khaki vest, as in the fall/winter insulated vest that you wear in the cold. And leather work gloves. And I've seen this guy probably once a week for the last 6 or 7 weeks. So, basically, he's dressed for fall yard work and motorcycle riding all in 90 degree weather. I'm wondering if he's a vampire or something, and exposure to sunlight will end it all for him. But, I'm a little worried to just roll down the window and chat, I mean, what if he IS a vampire? Or at least creepy. I mean the work gloves and the vest make me wonder...

still stuck on community...

So this week I got to see some really good friends that I haven't seen in what feels like a really long time. It was really good to see them too. We're both pregnant fam's and are due like a week apart from each other. Pretty nuts how that worked out (and no, we didn't plan that). We talked photography some though (totally different from my other buddy's stuff because it's outdoors and on color slides, zero photoshopping!) and what it's like living out by the grand tetons. I'm still jealous they live there in a lot of ways. Oh, and I got my butt kicked at Wii bowling, but that's alright. I'm neither a Wii owner, or much of a bowler. 

Anyways it was really great to see them and catch up. And it reminded me of why Courtney & I are so spread thin in the "people we see often" department. Don't get me wrong, we have people we see often, and I am SO thankful for those people, because they are such a vital part of our lives (you know who you are...mc's!). They keep us sane frankly. But, at the same time, I see the value of of having more than one couple that we can really hang out with and really be ourselves and be transparent with too. And for us, even being in the same chapter, in that we're both about a month out from our lives taking a major chapter change, being able to talk about that stuff, and the things we keep hoping for in our lives and the lives of our kids (which btw, totally looking forward to raiding the parks in OKC with Luke), it is just good for us. I wish we had more of that honestly. I mean, I left their house that night feeling like I'd been with family, but that's to be expected as this guy's been like a brother to me in a lot of ways for a good chunk of my life. But even more than that, I left feeling like I'd just gotten a reminder of what deep, Jesus-centered community looks like. To be together, to share in the ups & downs, to eat together (which I hadn't planned on, but Myra doesn't let you come over and party without making awesome food!), and to laugh and have fun. I don't think you can ever get enough of that. I know I don't at least.

And it's always fun to listen to Bobby & Jamie talking in their own little "semi-cowboy spanglish" that they've got going on. Hilarious. You don't even know. 

So yeah, that couple hours was something I deeply needed, and so enjoyed. And it left me wishing that I had that more often. And it leaves me wondering where exactly to find that too. That unfortunately hasn't changed for me. I'm looking forward to the day it does though. Apparently the UMC has decided to make it a major point of importance to find young people to bring to the church, I hope we're not starting that project too late. I hope it pans out because I find myself longing for that kind of community. 

What are you longing for? What is the thing your heart wishes for deeply? 

experiments in silence & noise... (for the youth group!)

so, this last weekend, and God stirred the waters up at youth. That's never a bad thing, right? 

actually, I'm really excited about it. 

I think it's going to be a great thing for us. 

About a month or so ago, I was really aware of the fact that we don't spend a lot of time just being still before God. I know I've heard tons of people talk about this too, but I was actually feeling it in my heart. It was almost like being sick or kinda depressed, like how your body feels heavy. I really felt like I - and the group of people I'm around at church - need to sort of rediscover that part of life. Being intentional and carving out space to be quiet before God. It honestly reminded me a bit of my late high school years, when I'd get together with people at a friend's house, and we'd just sing songs, pray, and read scripture. We didn't structure or program, we just showed up and our agenda was as simple as 'we want to be in the presence of God.' That was our agenda. 

What's crazy is that it worked. 

No "over-programming the crap out of stuff," just us being still and listening for what God wanted to be and know. It was really amazing. Honestly, it was one of the most important things for me as far as shaping my thoughts and beliefs about God. And when college & life didn't pan out, and I found myself wondering whether or not God was really in charge of things, I remembered the times and places I'd seen him move around me, and I know those things were too big to be circumstantial. 

All that to say, I had sort of planned to bring this idea up, and not even this soon, it just sort of happened. And it really sparked something. And that's not to say "go me! you planned something!" that's really to say that God wanted this thing to happen, and while I was getting there, He decided to go ahead and get it moving. Fine by me. His timing is better than mine anyways. It's encouraging because I feel like I'm pointed the direction God wants us to go. 

And that's a really good thing.

And, I've had some conversations with some of the youth in our group about it, and it seems to be hitting a place that for some, is a deep desire for them. To really know and be aware that God is close. Or to reawaken in some cases. For some, it's something they're waking up to entirely. 

And that's a really REALLY good thing.

All that to say, we all agreed to try this "silence" thing out for the week, and see what's good about it, what's hard about it, and if anything happens. For me, I sometimes need music to get me to a point to be still, so I put a playlist together for us all to check out. Feel free to come use it if you feel like it fits you. 

I'm going to journal during this whole thing too, so, if you've never journaled, feel free to do so. If you need ideas of what that looks like, feel free to ask me about it. 

Have a good, quiet week. 

bipolar tuesday... and wednesday?

Well, my bipolar adventure continues, so it seems. 

Yesterday, I mentioned having a bipolar week, and that it related to my work in church, and on the one hand, I feel like that's deserving of an obvious "DUH!" but I realize not everyone has that experience working in a church, paid, volunteer, or otherwise. For the record, I'm jealous of those of you who don't have that happen, though I keep telling myself that it's good for me in the long run. Pop psychology!!!! woo-hoooo!!

Here's what I mean. Things are good. Jesus is good, heck, GREAT, in spite of me. One of the things I love is how God works in spite of us and our shortcomings. I try to make my only agenda going the direction that God is calling us as a group, and to not get bogged down in the mean time, but I have a hard time learning to let things be as they are. 

By that I mean, my heart aches at how life goes in church. There are good things going on, but at the same time, there is conflict and resistance in people, and it creates tension that I wish wasn't there. I'm a firm believer that God offends the mind to reveal the heart, and so on some level I'm okay with the conflict, but it all feels so unhealthy. That's where it gets hard. And it's hard to watch students leave and no one really go after them too. I feel it's a very "mega-church" move of us to do that, for the front and back doors to be wide open to coming & going. And I don't say that to take a jab at mega-churches, I think there are lots of big churches that do great things. I think we even NEED mega-churches. But our group has this strange resistance & hostility to mega-churches, so I say it's a "mega-church move" on our part because we do the same things as churches we claim to not like. (The church I speak of isn't important, but my students that read this will know the church I'm talking about, and that's all I mean by this) 

I was looking around at some facebook pages, and seeing where my friends were a year ago, and seeing where they are now, (and I know facebook isn't always accurate, but it's who they portray themselves as, so on some level, it's who they want to be) and my heart hurts seeing where some of our students are. 

And we let them leave. 

No one stopped to try and encourage them to stick around. And when we mention not seeing "so-and-so" in a while, it gets glossed over and we say "well, you probably WON'T see them around." meaning something along the lines of "I don't think they're living very Christian right now, so we won't see them." and my heart weeps for that. THAT is one of the cancers that will kill the Church from the inside out. To accept that they aren't "living right" (i.e. to MY standard) and so clearly they gave up on the church. Even if they did, why do we let them give up on us? If we don't go after them, then their giving up on us was right! That shouldn't be the case. 

ever.

I see this in churches that fight for college ministries too. Lots of places say "college kids just come eat our food and don't give financially, but they'll come back later when they're married & have kids." (i.e. when they're stable and can give their tithe to us) That may have been true once, but it's not anymore. I see this in my age group. 

We aren't coming back (people my age I mean). And my wife and I feel like THE minority in our church. 

It makes staying hard. Can I say that? (I mean, I just did!) Is it a career-busting move for a church staff person to say that staying in a church is hard because you don't feel like there is a community for you? I don't know, but that's where we are. We know one other couple in our church (500 people) that is our age. Everyone else is way older or way younger. 

And at the same time (here's the manic upswing of my bipolar-ness), Jesus gives me such hope for the future of things. And I feel so good and excited about being a part of a story that is bigger than me. About being a part of God's story, and about being a part of the youth group that I'm in. Even if I left this job tomorrow, I'd still stick around as a volunteer because I believe so much in what we're doing as a ministry and as a group. 

So, and this is an open question to all of you that might read this: how do I reconcile all of this? How do I justify what we do, when things are being done wrong? We do some things wrong and poor, and some things great and well, so does it all offset? What do I do with this ache in my heart for things to be different? For us to be different? Do I just accept that we're all sons & daughters in God's kingdom and that our flaws get in the way, or do I get upset and rebel against the things we do wrong? 

And how the heck do I find community in a place that doesn't offer it?

my bipolar tuesday...

Today is making for a strange day. it's been a sort of building thing, all slowly creeping to a point I suppose. But today feels like a very bipolar sort of day. The rain makes it seem all the more appropriate really. 

First, there are good things. I'm enjoying working at starbucks in my free time, and the free coffee I get for working there isn't hurting any either. But at the same time, I'm starting to dread waking up at 2 am to feed Lucas (once that happens) and then wake up at 4 to go to work. That'll be so worth it, but so exhausting, it makes me tired just thinking about it.

And I've found a new toy to enjoy. Adobe has launched this new thing called Photoshop Express, and it's super cool. I've posted a few pics that I've taken lately of the day lilies we have in our back yard, and they look pretty good. Most of the work was actual Photoshop, and not express, but it's a super cool place to put your pictures if nothing else. Feel free to stop by and check out the flowers that are taking over my back yard in a jungle kinda way here. 

Here's where things get stupid. So, we bought a crib a few weeks back, second hand, from a friend of a relative, one of those my friend will cut you a deal kind of things. So, we got a crib, a changing table, and a dresser for like $400, which each of the same pieces & same brand new costs $400 a piece. Good deal, eh? Here's where it gets sticky... the crib is a piece of crap. So, really we paid $400 for 2 good pieces of furniture and a headboard. Because after order $50 worth of screws & bolts from the manufacturer, we learned that the screw holes that hold the whole thing together are stripped out and won't work. Here's where it gets stickier... the lady told us we could return it if we couldn't find parts, but because we found parts she won't take it back. So, then we bought a new crib this weekend, which sucks, but we got it about $100 less than we should have. And it holds together like it's supposed to, which is a plus of course. So, anyone who's thinking about having kids, make sure you have the parts, and that they all work BEFORE you buy a crib, even if it's a friend of a friend... sometimes those turn out to be the shadiest of all people.

And so life feels like this a lot lately, a lot of swings up & down & up & down. It's quite draining, along with everything else in life all going on at the same time. And all the while, I'm trying to dream things for what our family wants, what I want life to look like, the things that I'm praying for and hoping for my son, all sorts of stuff, and it gets exhausting. Then there's all my thoughts about youth ministry, and the youth ministry that I'm in, specifically. I have thoughts on that, but that's a post for a later time. Come back soon and check it out if you're curious what I think about it, but know it's bipolar too.  : )  it's that kind of season. maybe it's in the water...

pics from Lucas' ultrasound

This is only a link to the rest of the pictures, but feel free to take a look at them if you want. I know it's a lot of pictures, and maybe more than some of you want to look at, which is totally fine. Anyways, here ya go!

why I love sarcasm

Well, I've been busy lately, but I thought, if you're looking for some other great material to read while I'm in limbo, I'd pass along a couple of the sites I read. I find them both stimulating and entirely hilarious. Here's one of them:

The Ongoing Adventures of ASBO Jesus. For those of you who - like me - have zero idea what ASBO is, here's his definition:btw. for the non british among you… an ‘asbo’ is an ‘anti-social behaviour order’… the courts here award them to people who are deemed to be constant trouble in their neighbourhoods… presumably according to their neighbours!"Great stuff, the ASBO. I put an example up at the top here too.

Another one I like to check is "Stuff Christians Like." Very similar to "Stuff White People Like," except that this one hones in on Christian sub-culture and hits it pretty square. It's been hilarious to read honestly. Really refreshing to see someone thinks we do some things wrong and doesn't mind having a laugh about it. Stuff white people like just hits everything in white people world, and makes fun of us for it. Also a GREAT read.

On a bit more serious note, here's something I found interesting. This website called "Dear-God.net." Setup by the same people that run "the cool hunter" it's basically an online prayer experiment. It looks at "God" in the broad "God/god/chi/whatever energy is running the room & world" sense, so if you're expecting people to pray to Jesus, you'll be let down. It's not always to Jesus, or the Christian God. Regardless, it's quite the amazing commentary on our world, and the things that are on the minds of people around the world. 

I guess I write this mostly because I wanted a break. Please indulge me and forgive my ranting. Life has been bumpy as of late, and while the heaviness I feel is good in some ways, in other ways it is not good. Maybe I'll blog about that later, but for now, I needed a breather, and thought I'd point out some fun brain food to you all. 

I leave you with this little bit of fun. I found this on Marko's website, and was amazed that this qualifies as on the job training for someone. Pardon the one s-word in here, it's still insane.

something to do this weekend...

When I went to the Robbie Seay concert last Sunday night, I learned of another opportunity coming up this weekend that I thought I'd pass along. I'm way excited to see what this thing ends up looking like. And I don't just say that because I'm a friend & fan of bridgeway. As a guy who loves art and loves Jesus, I am really intrigued by what this could end up looking like. Here's the poster too.

I added some pics of the show from Sunday too. Robbie is such a cool guy. I'll apologize for the lousiness of the pictures. I didn't bring a camera, but thought I'd try to get a few shots of the night on my phone, hence the poor quality. You can't expect much out of a 1.3MP camera. Nothing like this guy's shots at least. But his camera, computer, & photo editing setup is probably worth more than my car.

Oh, P.S., anyone thinking about buying a new iPhone should wait. Just trust me, you want to wait...

AMAZING concert. we should all go!

I plan on going after youth gets out. It will completely be worth going. I'll probably miss a little bit of the opening parts of the night, as youth usually goes til 7:00. But I'll be there in time for Robbie for sure, and hopefully for Joel too. He's a great guy. 

Doors to the show open at 7:00, it costs $8 to get in. That is a steal on the quality of the show. It will be a great night. Hope to see you there.

oklahoma's rock song...

Okay, so apparently there is a vote going on in oklahoma for the official oklahoma state rock song. I'm having nightmares that it's going to be some crap by vince gill. PLEASE GO VOTE! http://www.oklahomarocksong.org/ if you want a 150% biased opinion, go vote for flaming lips. p.s. if mercy me wins, and "i can only imagine" becomes our official state song, i'm moving. texas, washington (despite all the flak i'd take in seattle), oregon, maine, i don't care. if that song wins, i'm getting the heck out of town. i'll probably do the same thing if hinder wins too. PLEASE GO VOTE FOR SOMEONE!

the crazies came to school...

Okay, so a couple of weeks ago, my buddy Steve & I hear that there is this crazy guy on campus up at school, so of course we have to go and see him. His picture is here, just go you can get an idea of what we walked into. The special part of it is that his board flipped around to say different things, but you get the basic gist from what is on there now. Basically, the idea that "God is angry with us every day." 

Now, he said his story was that God called him to what he called "confrontational preaching." Basically, his thing was that God told him to go to college campuses and tell everyone why they're going to hell. It was really encouraging. 

He was pretty much into telling everyone why they're wrong. I know that sounds like a blanket statement, but that's really how it was. He talked to a Catholic, and was only too happy to point out that he had been raised Catholic, but fortunately god had redeemed him of his sinful ways, because praying to Mary was the fast lane to hell. What surprised me was that there were people actually trying to have an honest conversation with him. If anything was a positive in this whole thing, it was that. No one really listened to him, but the Christians that were there were having an intelligent discussion about it. Probably the only positive to the day. But, in the grand scheme of it all, even the good discussion happening, it was getting drowned out by all the other people complaining about his presence on campus.

There were a couple of people that would just be antagonistic for the sake of being antagonistic, one guy said he was there to "watch this guy get his butt kicked" which never happened. Still others were there to pass out cigarettes because mr. sign guy was shouting about the sin of smoking among everything else. Oh, and being greek is like buddying up with Satan himself apparently. While the whole greek thing wasn't my speed, I know lots of people who did go greek, and they don't look anything like Satan. In fact, a lot of them remind me a lot of what I think Jesus would look like. 

In the end, I had to leave, because the whole thing just got to be too much for me. I get pretty mad when this kind of thing comes along. These guys are all about themselves, and making sure everyone knows how holy they are, and how unholy everyone else is. It completely misses the point. So, I kindly thanked him for making my job harder, which I'm pretty sure he didn't hear. I tried to join the constructive conversations, but they were mostly with people I didn't know. Steve told me later that he went up and asked to have a discussion about the whole thing of this guy's hostility, and he looked Steve in the eye and said "I don't have time for you," and went back to shouting. 

Why these guys come along and make those of us trying to actually point people to Jesus look like morons frustrates me to no end. Kind of like this group too.

futbol

So, one of my buddies recently did a post on the NFL picks, and with everyone talking football, I though I'd talk a little futbol too. Of course, my futbol is not necessarily everyone else's football. . .

I'm personally really sold on the F.A. Premier, which for all you local types, means English soccer. I know, I've got zero loyalty to america, right? Well, here's why I don't care about football. It's all about the money, and there isn't excitement like there is in some real futbol. Here's what I mean: pull up a video on youtube about a NFL game, and it will generally be something like this:

Not bad per se, but the crowd only gets excited when something big happens. You've seen it happen before, if a game is a shutout, the crowd goes home at halftime, and that's only because they paid good money to watch a game. If it was cheap, they'd leave even earlier.

Now, here's a FA game:

And all that cheering is happening at the END of the game, when most people would have gone home already. A crowd at a NFL game has nothing on a crowd at a soccer game in the UK. Plain & simple.

And this year is crazy, which is another thing I like about it. Case in point: Up until a month ago, the #1 team was completely unstoppable basically. They were playing great and hardly ever losing, being way up in the points for the leader board. (quick lesson on leader boards: in FA, you get 3 points for a win, 1 point for a tie, and 0 points for a loss. so if you have a lot of points, you are doing really good) So, Arsenal, the power that be for the year, is just dominating the heck out of people, until about a month ago, when they lost 1 game, and tied 2, and now they're #3 in the rankings. I love that the game can change so quickly just like that. It's so great. Makes it so much more exciting. And really, most people outside the U.S. call soccer "the beautiful game," and it's pretty phenomenal really. It's a great thing to watch and be part of. Great stuff to watch. Oh, and yes, I'm already counting the days to the next World Cup if you're wondering. 798 days and counting. . .

catch up. . .

So, remember that time I was going to try to be a more consistent blogger? whoops! oh well. such is life. at this point, I'm at least still coming back to blog, which is better than other things I've tried and not been good at. Little things like maintaining a day planner. I used to always buy one in high school, planning on staying on top of things, and then I'd drop the ball about 2 weeks into it, then I'd give up and quit using it until "final paper/final test" season at school. 

It's been a busy few weeks. If I'd known 27 was going to be this crazy and difficult, I probably would've tried to stay 26 this year. 27 so far has been more difficult than it should be. And, I can't really blame age for it, as that has nothing to do with it. It's just been a hard few weeks. We've had a lot of mellow drama around us thanks to our health insurance company, talking about rates and owing them money for their paperwork errors, stuff like that. This was complicated by the fact that we had to deal with this while I'm getting ready to leave for a week to go to Tulsa, Oklahoma and take 15 students/adults on a mission trip. It's crazy stuff, and can easily stress one out. But it's pretty much straightened out now. We owe a crap-ton of back money for things we want, and I hope they learn their lesson and quit screwing up other people's paperwork. 

The thing that is most frustrating about this whole thing, is, for me at least, that about 98% of our money problems seem to stem from my moving into youth ministry as a career and not a volunteer opportunity. It sure makes staying in youth ministry hard to do. Cliche I know, but when Courtney & I both work, we do okay with money. It's having a baby and wanting US to raise our kids, and not some random daycare worker that makes staying in youth ministry tough.  I want to, because I feel like I'm doing something good here and all, but this kind of stuff spreads us awfully thin, especially if something big (like 18 months of back insurance corrections) comes up. Frankly, it makes faith stuff hard in general. It's funny - bad word choice, maybe weird - how fragile faith can be really. On the one hand, I suppose it's terribly cliche, but on the other, it's really hard to trust that God is looking out for us when we are consistently finding our financial security dying about once a year. Having a baby on the way makes it all that much harder too frankly. Grace, love, peace, all good things, and all easy to trust in, but faith and trust are really tough as of late. And maybe in some weird way God is trying to get our attention and hold on to him all the tighter, and in that way learn to trust him. I don't have this figured out at all, and who knows if/when I will? 

I vent about this mostly because 1: i need to get it out of my system so I can think about something else for now. 2: because I'm curious how everyone else handles this kind of stuff. On the one hand, I wonder if I should go find a job that pays well, and fight and scrape to make lots of money since things look more bleak every day as far as money and the U.S. is concerned. (which btw, I think the news is making way too big a deal out of) Then I could be a volunteer and afford to do lots of stuff. Maybe my life would have more impact if I lived that way. On the other hand, maybe that's not the way life is supposed to work out. Who knows? I'm sure this is nothing new to anyone really, but since it's my first kid, and my first career I've had that I cared about keeping, it's weird to look at the whole thing and try to reconcile it all and see if it all pans out in a way I'd want it to.

At the same time, I keep thinking about a guy I heard talk about being married once, and he said "if you want to serve Jesus, stay single. If you want to learn how to BE like Jesus, get married." and it leaves me wondering about that too. Not whether or not I should be married, I LOVE being married, and I love my wife. But maybe this is the whole point of it all: maybe for me to appreciate the things Jesus did, and the sacrifices He made, maybe I have to give up youth ministry to really GET what giving up something looks like. I can still serve Jesus, Church, and youth all without working in a church. 

Who knows what I'll do really. In some ways, I feel tied to my job a lot, in other ways, leaving ministry to do a "normal job" is somewhat freeing. I can just work and see God outside the church easier, and be Jesus outside the church without the "where do you work again?" stigma that attaches to pastors.

In a totally unrelated end, here's something fun for you. I wish our local sportscasters had this much fun with the news: