Everyone does a little "end of year reflection" as the year closes, right? and of course, I would love to do this, as this year has been a doozy. This sort of felt like the year that the wheels fell off the car, and we flipped and crashed. Sort of like this.
For me professionally, it was definitely that year. I learned a lot of things this year, things that sort of kill the optimist in me in some ways, sadly. It's the problem with the kind of gig I was in, people feel passionately about where they worship, and sometimes their passions turn to agendas, which turn to toxic things that hurt lots of people (including themselves). The fortunate thing is that there is healing, even in crappy circumstances. And I did walk away with some good lessons on life through both my experiences and those of friends (new or just reminders):
* people are awesome. Having people who care about Jesus and about people are most always the greatest people to be around. and when you go through crap, they are a must have to make it through the day.
* people are jerks. It is easy to criticize things (of any type or organization), and very hard to do anything constructive. When people just want to pick things apart, they generally forget that people are involved, they just see ideas. And when that happens, the ugly side of humanity (the side that disowns humanness) rears it's head.
* leaders with little vision & integrity are dangerous to partner with, and not dangerous in a good way.
* politics & political systems + church = crap. because it becomes less about Jesus moving in the world, and more about kissing babies and making committees happy so you keep your job. I would go so far to say those aren't really churches so much as civic groups. Sort of like a non profit.
* toxic work environments don't just affect you. they affect your family too. as such, they aren't worth sticking around to be a martyr for the cause. value your family, get the crap out.
That last one was a hard pill to swallow for me this year too. It ended up being hard to pull my head out of my troubles to realize the damage that my value of my work had done to my family. I knew things were bad, but I hoped they would change, and had lots of "what if's" that never materialized to help solve the problem. And while I have hated losing that job with students I enjoyed, being gone from that job has been good for me in a lot of ways. And if they offered me my job back with twice the salary, I would tell them no. Unless I was on the brink of losing my house and my family couldn't afford to live, I would never go back.
My family suffered through the year a lot, though a lot of our struggle has been long term, which is mostly my fault. That was the other hard part of the year, the personal struggles and failures. In some ways, losing the things I did opened my eyes up to that more this year. Finding that I placed too much self worth in where I draw my paycheck from was maybe one of the greatest things that came out of the year. And as a guy who teaches finding worth in BEING rather than DOING, I had a lot of self confidence wrapped up in my job. Having that crumble away was actually quite healthy for me.
Learning to receive and trust for provision was also a great lesson this year. Frankly, without things being provided and given to us as they were this year, we probably would have collapsed, financially or otherwise. It is a strange paradox to struggle with not being angry with God about where your life has taken you while thanking him for sustaining your family in ways you don't understand. Weird to say "thanks for the help, but I am still pissed at you about all this..." It's good to know that God provides even when we aren't in the mood to just receive the help. God holds us together, even when things fall apart. And I know and trust that deep in my bones now that I have lived (am living) it.
This year was for sure the hardest and most miserable year I have ever had I think. Professionally and personally, it was stained with heartache, anger, mistakes, injustice, and stress. But in that I learned a lot about life, faith, and trust. And I was reminded the value of love, and of family. I was forced into lessons on humility, and learned that we are held together even when things seem like they are falling apart.
Like I said, it felt like this year has been one where the wheels flew off, and we crashed. The thing I am finding in life is that you have to decide for yourself that it is worth it to climb from the wreckage and get up and go again. You have to trust that getting out of the car is a good thing. So, for us, we are trying to climb out of the wreck, and start over.
There is life in the car.
The story is not over. There is more left to tell and to just give up would be a waste.
Things that helped hold me together were these:
lunch/coffee with friends (thanks to you all)
teaching from mars hill church.
> the village elder
> songs like this
Live deeper.
So, a while back (and sadly only 2 posts ago...) I started a process about how to find a church. Regardless of WHY you are trying to find a church, you need to connect the dots on the HOW, and find that place, and plug in.
There are important factors to consider in what your church is about, and what that means to you. This is the other part of the conversation that makes the difference. Now, before I get into this, I need to say that a person's commitment to a church is a deeply personal thing, and that as believers, we all need to respect this about each other. Here's what I mean. Take my family for instance. My cousin (who is 2 weeks younger than I am and so I feel it a fair comparison that we are in similar age/stage of life), has been a part of the same church since before he was even a blip on the radar. He has never left. He feels a very deep tie to the place he has grown up. This is great, and I love that about him. He has "survived" a building relocation, ditching the choir robes, reinstatement of the robes, changing the color of the choir robes, an added monthly contemporary service, doubling the size of the campus, mission trips, staff changes, hardships and strains between people at church, COMMITTEES, and much more. I love that he is that committed to a (one) church. That said, this story is not true for all of us. Some of us have been burned, or just don't have luck with places, and as such, we tend to carry a bit of mistrust. Neither is more right than the other, it just simply is, as near as I can tell.
So, here are some more thoughts about finding the right place:
1. heart is key: What I mean is this, that you need a level of similar heartbeat with a place that you want to go. For example, if art is important to you, find a church with an arts community. If ministry to a particular group of people matters to you, find a place that targets those people. (i.e. don't find a church with a dog blessing ministry if you want to network with the homeless community in your city. you will find yourself in a constant state of frustration)
2. don't just find a church of yes men/women: Be willing to spend time with people outside your age/stage of life. They have good questions, good wisdom, and them disagreeing with you may turn out to be a really great thing. Either because their angle has great insight, or because their questions will provoke you to have a concrete answer about why you feel the way you feel. Either way, it's a win.
3. don't let "style" be THE issue: YES, we have preferences of how we like worship to look, and YES we tend to gravitate to those places, but don't let that be the defining issue of where you go. If we all just picked church based on the style of the place (be it music, facilities, how hipster the pastor is) we would never go, or there would be 3 churches in the world. (the old traditional one, the cool hip rock show, and the one for all the weirdos that don't fit either of the other 2) Sure, how a church worships can be helpful in finding a place, (if you connect with God in certain ways, a church that helps engage those is good) but it shouldn't be the only thing you look for.
4. know what the Church is meant to be, and find THAT: Look at the end of Acts 2, where they talk about the traits of a church. Remember that the Church is meant to be the bride of Jesus, and we are His sons and daughters. And to find a place that knows those things and embraces those things is important. If the place doesn't feel like what the Church is meant to be, ask why. Look for answers. Ask staff or people in the church you are visiting about it. If the answers leave you doubting, that may not be the place to land. Move on, and keep hunting.
5. consider WHERE you are in life, WHERE you want to be, and HOW your church ties into it: If you are, say, like myself, (an almost 30 year old with 2[ish] kids and a wife), find a place that values young families. Please note that I didn't say find a church of only young families. We need older generations to pass on wisdom we can't find anywhere else. We need those people in our church. BUT, if the church you visit doesn't seem to place any emphasis on that group (i.e. all classes/small groups/etc are targeting 60+ with nothing for young people) they are (intentionally or not) avoiding you and your age/stage. Probably not your place to land, though it could be. It just may be more of a fight.
6. avoid the numbers game: Large numbers of people doesn't equal a healthy place. Conversely, a small church doesn't equal an alive place where everyone knows/loves everyone. It just means the cliques are smaller. If you grew up in a small church, you may find you love a big place. If you grew up in megachurches, you may find you like a small community. The numbers simply don't matter. I've found places as small as 10 that I loved, 800, or 2000. All great places. When it comes to church, size doesn't matter.
Again, this isn't some sort of exhaustive, end all list, but it is some food for thought. Feel free to add to the conversation. Would love some feedback.
There are important factors to consider in what your church is about, and what that means to you. This is the other part of the conversation that makes the difference. Now, before I get into this, I need to say that a person's commitment to a church is a deeply personal thing, and that as believers, we all need to respect this about each other. Here's what I mean. Take my family for instance. My cousin (who is 2 weeks younger than I am and so I feel it a fair comparison that we are in similar age/stage of life), has been a part of the same church since before he was even a blip on the radar. He has never left. He feels a very deep tie to the place he has grown up. This is great, and I love that about him. He has "survived" a building relocation, ditching the choir robes, reinstatement of the robes, changing the color of the choir robes, an added monthly contemporary service, doubling the size of the campus, mission trips, staff changes, hardships and strains between people at church, COMMITTEES, and much more. I love that he is that committed to a (one) church. That said, this story is not true for all of us. Some of us have been burned, or just don't have luck with places, and as such, we tend to carry a bit of mistrust. Neither is more right than the other, it just simply is, as near as I can tell.
So, here are some more thoughts about finding the right place:
1. heart is key: What I mean is this, that you need a level of similar heartbeat with a place that you want to go. For example, if art is important to you, find a church with an arts community. If ministry to a particular group of people matters to you, find a place that targets those people. (i.e. don't find a church with a dog blessing ministry if you want to network with the homeless community in your city. you will find yourself in a constant state of frustration)
2. don't just find a church of yes men/women: Be willing to spend time with people outside your age/stage of life. They have good questions, good wisdom, and them disagreeing with you may turn out to be a really great thing. Either because their angle has great insight, or because their questions will provoke you to have a concrete answer about why you feel the way you feel. Either way, it's a win.
3. don't let "style" be THE issue: YES, we have preferences of how we like worship to look, and YES we tend to gravitate to those places, but don't let that be the defining issue of where you go. If we all just picked church based on the style of the place (be it music, facilities, how hipster the pastor is) we would never go, or there would be 3 churches in the world. (the old traditional one, the cool hip rock show, and the one for all the weirdos that don't fit either of the other 2) Sure, how a church worships can be helpful in finding a place, (if you connect with God in certain ways, a church that helps engage those is good) but it shouldn't be the only thing you look for.
4. know what the Church is meant to be, and find THAT: Look at the end of Acts 2, where they talk about the traits of a church. Remember that the Church is meant to be the bride of Jesus, and we are His sons and daughters. And to find a place that knows those things and embraces those things is important. If the place doesn't feel like what the Church is meant to be, ask why. Look for answers. Ask staff or people in the church you are visiting about it. If the answers leave you doubting, that may not be the place to land. Move on, and keep hunting.
5. consider WHERE you are in life, WHERE you want to be, and HOW your church ties into it: If you are, say, like myself, (an almost 30 year old with 2[ish] kids and a wife), find a place that values young families. Please note that I didn't say find a church of only young families. We need older generations to pass on wisdom we can't find anywhere else. We need those people in our church. BUT, if the church you visit doesn't seem to place any emphasis on that group (i.e. all classes/small groups/etc are targeting 60+ with nothing for young people) they are (intentionally or not) avoiding you and your age/stage. Probably not your place to land, though it could be. It just may be more of a fight.
6. avoid the numbers game: Large numbers of people doesn't equal a healthy place. Conversely, a small church doesn't equal an alive place where everyone knows/loves everyone. It just means the cliques are smaller. If you grew up in a small church, you may find you love a big place. If you grew up in megachurches, you may find you like a small community. The numbers simply don't matter. I've found places as small as 10 that I loved, 800, or 2000. All great places. When it comes to church, size doesn't matter.
Again, this isn't some sort of exhaustive, end all list, but it is some food for thought. Feel free to add to the conversation. Would love some feedback.
Read this in a magazine today, great thought. Here it goes:
"Sometimes producing things is more gratifying - and more conducive to building community - than consuming them." ny times mag ftw!
Its got me wondering, what would happen if Christianity got this. Not just thought it a good idea, but really GOT it. And lived it out.
What would the Church look like? If we hit our neighborhoods and spheres of influence and created something together instead of just consuming a service/cool song/sermon.
I think the are pockets that do this, but what if did it?
Live deeper...
So, in my whole journey out of church employment and into just going to church, I've been given a lot to think about. Mostly by myself of course, because I tend to enjoy over thinking things, but it's been a conversation that has been bigger than me at the same time. I have had quite a few conversations about it as of late, so I wanted to put some thoughts down on paper. I would love some discourse on this, so, intro out of the way, here we go...
SEARCHING FOR A CHURCH: SOME THOUGHTS
I think sometimes we think a lot of things about church-shopping, mostly:
1. that it's bad. (you're SHOPPING?! for a CHURCH?!?!?!? you don't SHOP for a church you PAGAN!!! REPENT!!!) Now, I'm not saying go to wal-mart and find the cheapest one that requires the least of you, but know that finding the right place sometimes means visiting lots of WRONG places. (even if it is just their poorly designed website)
2. that God will reveal to us in a chorus of 1000 angels that we have landed in the right church. No, probably not. Life is not an episode of touched by an angel. A dove won't fly into the picture and some lady next to you get a soft glow on top of her head and tell you in a thick irish accent that this is where you should be. It's much more natural than that. You find a community of people you relate to, God will place those people in front of you, and you'll know you're there. (Save the rest of this idea for part 2...)
3. that it is not worth the time/trouble/hastle/pain/etc... YES IT IS. It matters, because being a part of a community is seriously important. God wouldn't have built the Church if it wasn't something that mattered or that was supposed to exist. Some versions of church may be a horrible idea, but then, call me crazy, maybe those are the places you skip returning to. Doesn't mean all are bad. Some are really really great. That could be it's own blog, so we'll leave that as it is for now.
** important delineation to make here to: "attending services" is not the same as "going to church." Think about it.
4. that it will take forever - maybe, maybe not. doesn't mean it isn't worth the effort.
I have to say, it's been really freeing to dream about what church can look like, rather than settling for something that I might not really want to be a part of. And knowing that I am in no rush to find the place, but to really find the place I want to engage in has been really great. Maybe that's a good place to start, ask what you would LOVE in a place to join.
Part 2 coming up soon. Start dreaming. Live deeper.
As long as it's not like this, you'll be good:
SEARCHING FOR A CHURCH: SOME THOUGHTS
I think sometimes we think a lot of things about church-shopping, mostly:
1. that it's bad. (you're SHOPPING?! for a CHURCH?!?!?!? you don't SHOP for a church you PAGAN!!! REPENT!!!) Now, I'm not saying go to wal-mart and find the cheapest one that requires the least of you, but know that finding the right place sometimes means visiting lots of WRONG places. (even if it is just their poorly designed website)
2. that God will reveal to us in a chorus of 1000 angels that we have landed in the right church. No, probably not. Life is not an episode of touched by an angel. A dove won't fly into the picture and some lady next to you get a soft glow on top of her head and tell you in a thick irish accent that this is where you should be. It's much more natural than that. You find a community of people you relate to, God will place those people in front of you, and you'll know you're there. (Save the rest of this idea for part 2...)
3. that it is not worth the time/trouble/hastle/pain/etc... YES IT IS. It matters, because being a part of a community is seriously important. God wouldn't have built the Church if it wasn't something that mattered or that was supposed to exist. Some versions of church may be a horrible idea, but then, call me crazy, maybe those are the places you skip returning to. Doesn't mean all are bad. Some are really really great. That could be it's own blog, so we'll leave that as it is for now.
** important delineation to make here to: "attending services" is not the same as "going to church." Think about it.
4. that it will take forever - maybe, maybe not. doesn't mean it isn't worth the effort.
I have to say, it's been really freeing to dream about what church can look like, rather than settling for something that I might not really want to be a part of. And knowing that I am in no rush to find the place, but to really find the place I want to engage in has been really great. Maybe that's a good place to start, ask what you would LOVE in a place to join.
Part 2 coming up soon. Start dreaming. Live deeper.
As long as it's not like this, you'll be good:
A question I am pondering, for the Church, for me in relation to the Church (and church): What will you trade your life for? Feel like its an important question to ask, especially in chapter changes like I find myself in. We all trade for something. Money, power, love, fame, honor, country. How about you?
So, it hasn't really been 28 days, more like 40-ish, but the concept is there, right? Truth be told, it hasn't been that kind of detox. I'll explain. First you have to understand that as pastors, sometimes we are prone to ministry toxins. Sometimes we are aware of them, but do nothing, sometimes we try to avoid them, and sometimes they sneak up on us. But they are there none the less.
Ministry can be sort of like an exposure to something, I mean, good ministry - or just leadership for that matter - involves a lot of transparency. A lot of exposure. Putting yourself out there in a moment of honesty, hoping it works out. Some suffer the poison of the hero syndrome, in which they hold up their ministry on their shoulders, and refuse to budge, saying that they won't let go of the thing that God has entrusted them with, because it's their calling. They feel like its their duty to save the world by working in ministry, regardless the cost. This is a hard one to combat, because they play the "God has called me to this" card as often as possible, and hold it over any naysayers or critics. And truth be told, we (leaders) all want to feel like we matter, and playing the "save the cheerleader, save the world" card helps us feel good about ourselves (as if leadership and ministry were about us, right?)
Others suffer from buddy syndrome, in that everyone is good friends, and they don't want to leave their friends hanging, so they overcommit themselves, doing anything and everything that comes their way ministry-wise. Needless to say, they suffer massive burnout at times, and they don't understand why life isn't balanced.
Some simply exist with what I refer to as barnacle syndrome. Like a boat on the water collecting these toxic animals, taking on things that aren't necessarily healthy, though you can sail with them. If you sail with too many though, when they come off your rots out and then your boat sinks. And of course, the "why me God?" card is always in play here.
On some level, I have probably been a person needing treatment of all 3 of these in some sort of degree, though the one that finally did me in so to speak was barnacle syndrome. As I got ready to leave, I had a range of emotions, from being sad for the kids I was leaving to joy for the things that awaited when I left, the opportunity to go to a new church, and to see the life that was out there for me and my family. But as I got ready to leave, I knew I cared about the kids, but I began to pull away and detach emotionally from the place, and realized that I was a boat in a sea of barnacles. I had help fighting them off, but there was enough in the water that it was bad for me to keep the boat there.
Now, hear me right on this, there are lots of people there I love, and will always love and enjoy and be friends and care for. But, in the grand picture, it was a place that long term was not going to be healthy for me. This was a hard thing for me to admit, and I was not totally aware of it, because, you know, sometimes barnacles are under the surface. You don't know they are there til it's too late to do much. And I also thought it was just part of the job. While there is some truth to that, there isn't much to it. Toxic is toxic, exposure is bad. Period.
Being away was good for me, because this forced me cold turkey to cut off the barnacles. It's been tough, but it's also been good. It has been quite a challenge in a lot of ways, with more stress than I would have thought possible. Taking a pay cut, having major financial issues in the form of a busted transmission in one of our cars. And yet in all of this, we are still a float. I never really doubted that God would provide, but I didn't know where this road was heading, and I didn't like that. On some level, the selfish jerk in me still doesn't.
In those moments, I found myself fighting something I claim to hate: entitlement. Somewhere I found myself saying "God, why did you DO this? I mean, I gave up a good career path, good money, security, for youth ministry. And now you've left me out in the cold. What the crap?! You owe me better than that." That last phrase would stop me, because what I know is, God doesn't owe me a thing. In all honesty, at the end of the day, He doesn't owe me anything at all. Yet here I am, asking what His deal is, why he is making life so difficult, and yet, He has provided in ways I would have never imagined.
Don Miller's latest book talks about the importance of living a good story, and on some level, I feel like I am writing one heck of a chapter right now. He makes this reference to why abused people stay in their situation though, and he said "[they] are afraid to choose a better story, because though their current situation is bad, at least it's a bad story they are familiar with. So they stay."
Reading that, I wondered if that was my job at church. Good times with the kids, but past that, I was in an environment that wasn't a story I should be writing or living. And it made me wonder, how often do we do this? Not just in abusive relationships, but in everyday relationships? In our jobs? In the churches that we attend (regardless of whether or not we work for them.)? How much did I lose relationally at home by ignoring my buddy syndrome? How much unnecessary crap did I have to deal with by not being intentional about cutting out the barnacles instead of letting them build up? Did I really cause more harm than good if I ever played the hero, taking credit away from God?
What if we all have been living less of a story than we should? Enter detox. And so, while leaving was hard, I knew it was the right thing to do. And knowing that God is providing what I need, even in weird ways and methods, and I don't fully get the why behind this all yet, I know that my father loves me. And in that, I have all I need.
live deeper.
Ministry can be sort of like an exposure to something, I mean, good ministry - or just leadership for that matter - involves a lot of transparency. A lot of exposure. Putting yourself out there in a moment of honesty, hoping it works out. Some suffer the poison of the hero syndrome, in which they hold up their ministry on their shoulders, and refuse to budge, saying that they won't let go of the thing that God has entrusted them with, because it's their calling. They feel like its their duty to save the world by working in ministry, regardless the cost. This is a hard one to combat, because they play the "God has called me to this" card as often as possible, and hold it over any naysayers or critics. And truth be told, we (leaders) all want to feel like we matter, and playing the "save the cheerleader, save the world" card helps us feel good about ourselves (as if leadership and ministry were about us, right?)
Others suffer from buddy syndrome, in that everyone is good friends, and they don't want to leave their friends hanging, so they overcommit themselves, doing anything and everything that comes their way ministry-wise. Needless to say, they suffer massive burnout at times, and they don't understand why life isn't balanced.
Some simply exist with what I refer to as barnacle syndrome. Like a boat on the water collecting these toxic animals, taking on things that aren't necessarily healthy, though you can sail with them. If you sail with too many though, when they come off your rots out and then your boat sinks. And of course, the "why me God?" card is always in play here.
On some level, I have probably been a person needing treatment of all 3 of these in some sort of degree, though the one that finally did me in so to speak was barnacle syndrome. As I got ready to leave, I had a range of emotions, from being sad for the kids I was leaving to joy for the things that awaited when I left, the opportunity to go to a new church, and to see the life that was out there for me and my family. But as I got ready to leave, I knew I cared about the kids, but I began to pull away and detach emotionally from the place, and realized that I was a boat in a sea of barnacles. I had help fighting them off, but there was enough in the water that it was bad for me to keep the boat there.
Now, hear me right on this, there are lots of people there I love, and will always love and enjoy and be friends and care for. But, in the grand picture, it was a place that long term was not going to be healthy for me. This was a hard thing for me to admit, and I was not totally aware of it, because, you know, sometimes barnacles are under the surface. You don't know they are there til it's too late to do much. And I also thought it was just part of the job. While there is some truth to that, there isn't much to it. Toxic is toxic, exposure is bad. Period.
Being away was good for me, because this forced me cold turkey to cut off the barnacles. It's been tough, but it's also been good. It has been quite a challenge in a lot of ways, with more stress than I would have thought possible. Taking a pay cut, having major financial issues in the form of a busted transmission in one of our cars. And yet in all of this, we are still a float. I never really doubted that God would provide, but I didn't know where this road was heading, and I didn't like that. On some level, the selfish jerk in me still doesn't.
In those moments, I found myself fighting something I claim to hate: entitlement. Somewhere I found myself saying "God, why did you DO this? I mean, I gave up a good career path, good money, security, for youth ministry. And now you've left me out in the cold. What the crap?! You owe me better than that." That last phrase would stop me, because what I know is, God doesn't owe me a thing. In all honesty, at the end of the day, He doesn't owe me anything at all. Yet here I am, asking what His deal is, why he is making life so difficult, and yet, He has provided in ways I would have never imagined.
Don Miller's latest book talks about the importance of living a good story, and on some level, I feel like I am writing one heck of a chapter right now. He makes this reference to why abused people stay in their situation though, and he said "[they] are afraid to choose a better story, because though their current situation is bad, at least it's a bad story they are familiar with. So they stay."
Reading that, I wondered if that was my job at church. Good times with the kids, but past that, I was in an environment that wasn't a story I should be writing or living. And it made me wonder, how often do we do this? Not just in abusive relationships, but in everyday relationships? In our jobs? In the churches that we attend (regardless of whether or not we work for them.)? How much did I lose relationally at home by ignoring my buddy syndrome? How much unnecessary crap did I have to deal with by not being intentional about cutting out the barnacles instead of letting them build up? Did I really cause more harm than good if I ever played the hero, taking credit away from God?
What if we all have been living less of a story than we should? Enter detox. And so, while leaving was hard, I knew it was the right thing to do. And knowing that God is providing what I need, even in weird ways and methods, and I don't fully get the why behind this all yet, I know that my father loves me. And in that, I have all I need.
live deeper.
Hey there blog. Long time no see.
I have had a lot of thoughts about life, shocker right? With all the crazy transitions that life has had recently, I have had lots to think about, right? Strangely, lots of people think I am really angry I think. I will post later, but I am actually not so bitter about the whole thing really.
I'm mostly putting this up to hold myself accountable that the thoughts in my head need to get out on paper (metaphorical or otherwise). So, I hope to have something for you soon.
But please know that the last month, while hard at times, has been good on the whole. Sort of like detoxing, getting rid of things that needed to go you know? There are parts I will always love and miss, but on the whole, detox is a good word for the last month. Even with all the stress.
Anyways, see you soon out there.
live deeper...
I have had a lot of thoughts about life, shocker right? With all the crazy transitions that life has had recently, I have had lots to think about, right? Strangely, lots of people think I am really angry I think. I will post later, but I am actually not so bitter about the whole thing really.
I'm mostly putting this up to hold myself accountable that the thoughts in my head need to get out on paper (metaphorical or otherwise). So, I hope to have something for you soon.
But please know that the last month, while hard at times, has been good on the whole. Sort of like detoxing, getting rid of things that needed to go you know? There are parts I will always love and miss, but on the whole, detox is a good word for the last month. Even with all the stress.
Anyways, see you soon out there.
live deeper...
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