catch up. . .

So, remember that time I was going to try to be a more consistent blogger? whoops! oh well. such is life. at this point, I'm at least still coming back to blog, which is better than other things I've tried and not been good at. Little things like maintaining a day planner. I used to always buy one in high school, planning on staying on top of things, and then I'd drop the ball about 2 weeks into it, then I'd give up and quit using it until "final paper/final test" season at school. 

It's been a busy few weeks. If I'd known 27 was going to be this crazy and difficult, I probably would've tried to stay 26 this year. 27 so far has been more difficult than it should be. And, I can't really blame age for it, as that has nothing to do with it. It's just been a hard few weeks. We've had a lot of mellow drama around us thanks to our health insurance company, talking about rates and owing them money for their paperwork errors, stuff like that. This was complicated by the fact that we had to deal with this while I'm getting ready to leave for a week to go to Tulsa, Oklahoma and take 15 students/adults on a mission trip. It's crazy stuff, and can easily stress one out. But it's pretty much straightened out now. We owe a crap-ton of back money for things we want, and I hope they learn their lesson and quit screwing up other people's paperwork. 

The thing that is most frustrating about this whole thing, is, for me at least, that about 98% of our money problems seem to stem from my moving into youth ministry as a career and not a volunteer opportunity. It sure makes staying in youth ministry hard to do. Cliche I know, but when Courtney & I both work, we do okay with money. It's having a baby and wanting US to raise our kids, and not some random daycare worker that makes staying in youth ministry tough.  I want to, because I feel like I'm doing something good here and all, but this kind of stuff spreads us awfully thin, especially if something big (like 18 months of back insurance corrections) comes up. Frankly, it makes faith stuff hard in general. It's funny - bad word choice, maybe weird - how fragile faith can be really. On the one hand, I suppose it's terribly cliche, but on the other, it's really hard to trust that God is looking out for us when we are consistently finding our financial security dying about once a year. Having a baby on the way makes it all that much harder too frankly. Grace, love, peace, all good things, and all easy to trust in, but faith and trust are really tough as of late. And maybe in some weird way God is trying to get our attention and hold on to him all the tighter, and in that way learn to trust him. I don't have this figured out at all, and who knows if/when I will? 

I vent about this mostly because 1: i need to get it out of my system so I can think about something else for now. 2: because I'm curious how everyone else handles this kind of stuff. On the one hand, I wonder if I should go find a job that pays well, and fight and scrape to make lots of money since things look more bleak every day as far as money and the U.S. is concerned. (which btw, I think the news is making way too big a deal out of) Then I could be a volunteer and afford to do lots of stuff. Maybe my life would have more impact if I lived that way. On the other hand, maybe that's not the way life is supposed to work out. Who knows? I'm sure this is nothing new to anyone really, but since it's my first kid, and my first career I've had that I cared about keeping, it's weird to look at the whole thing and try to reconcile it all and see if it all pans out in a way I'd want it to.

At the same time, I keep thinking about a guy I heard talk about being married once, and he said "if you want to serve Jesus, stay single. If you want to learn how to BE like Jesus, get married." and it leaves me wondering about that too. Not whether or not I should be married, I LOVE being married, and I love my wife. But maybe this is the whole point of it all: maybe for me to appreciate the things Jesus did, and the sacrifices He made, maybe I have to give up youth ministry to really GET what giving up something looks like. I can still serve Jesus, Church, and youth all without working in a church. 

Who knows what I'll do really. In some ways, I feel tied to my job a lot, in other ways, leaving ministry to do a "normal job" is somewhat freeing. I can just work and see God outside the church easier, and be Jesus outside the church without the "where do you work again?" stigma that attaches to pastors.

In a totally unrelated end, here's something fun for you. I wish our local sportscasters had this much fun with the news: