on work and living...

For my one, follower, and anyone else who reads, if you don't know, I'm a youth pastor by profession when I quit slinging coffee. And I love what I do, in spite of my awkward and sometimes jaded upbringing in church and church culture.

So, I missed out on the national youth worker's convention this year, which usually bums me out, but what I saw of this year, I think skipping might have been a win for me. That's a topic for a different time probably, though part of why I am so excited is that I get to go see THIS GUY with my buddy, THIS GUY. A much better deal by far methinks.

Anyways, I have been streaming some of the general sessions from nywc just so I can hear part of the conversation that is going on, and the last (?) session had Francis Chan speaking, who is a super cool guy that I respect a great deal, because he is a lot more honest than I think most people working for churches would ever be, without fear of some committee coming and asking him to leave since he seems so disinterested. Again, another blog for another day.

Here is my point: he said this thing that is so encouraging, and so challenging all at the same time, so here it is:
The old me used to cry because of the lost, and then I became a pastor and now I don't cry..I want the old me back" - Francis Chan

I LOVE this quote. LOVE it. And here is why. This is life for a pastor, or at least that has been my experience. It is SO easy to get lost in planning for the next meeting, going over curriculum for the next small group, planning worship, scheduling events and transportation while considering security and volunteer roles/involvement that we completely miss the point of our jobs. It makes me wonder if there is something fundamentally wrong in the way we do our jobs. And, I think that this spreads to other jobs too, I don't think this is some "special privilege" for people working for churches. I think we all get lost in the small things, the over thought, over complicated things of life/work and we miss out. I mean, what if (for me as a youth pastor and you as "insert your job/time consuming responsibility here") we totally miss Jesus because he is in the slumped shoulders of a sad student that I miss because I am planning my report for the next meeting?

I think he brings up a great point, that while ministry is a job, and we definitely have responsibilities and stuff to do and get finished and such, is it worth doing if we are so wrapped up in it that we have no joy in our job? No interaction with our community? I can relate to that idea a lot, as I struggle with having a sense of community in my present location. I have a great youth group community, but my family has youth and youth sponsors, and that's our tribe. Which is great, but is not a group we do a lot with outside of youth stuff, which I step into as a youth pastor, as a staff person. I don't really get to be at church and be IN church. I'm always the youth guy, which means I get asked about computers, why teenagers are so noisy, why did I decide to do youth ministry and not go to seminary to be a "real pastor?" I never really go to worship to worship. It's like my worship time gets sucked up by the job. I wonder, if all us pastoral types were really honest, would we admit that we get to worship or not? and REALLY worship, not just sit in a worship service/experience.

Put it another way, do we go through the motions of worshipping and living out our relationship with Jesus, or is it a formality to serve our careers? Do we weep at things that God weeps for? Are we moved with compassion for those in need, or do we pat them on the back, say Jesus loves you, and offer them a bus ticket to the food for the homeless program down the road?

"...I became a pastor and now I don't cry..." that hits hard. I wonder if I'm the only one who feels like the job sucks out the life from the calling. I don't think I am, but I don't know how many would be honest and say that. I expect most would acknowledge that it happens, give a good theological argument for it being a "time in life where ______" followed by a bible verse or two about it, a couple verses about how God wants to change that, and an offer to pray for me, which would all feel kind of trite in a way because I think it takes a BIG thing that is deeply embedded in our hearts, and reduces it to an almost greeting card-like thing. Which frankly - no offense to those that do this - offends me deeply.

So I find myself glad I didn't go, but still considering things/conversations from NYWC. And praying that I work quickly and effectively, so that I can get the "work" done that I need to, but still be free and available to do the "ministry" that is what God really called me to.


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